The Mid-Winter List

This thing again…

• I really want to be an ascot guy… but I’m pretty sure it would clash with my tuxedo t-shirt.
• Most fearsome creature: Chupacabra or Heffalump? Discuss.
• Of all the futuristic movie gadgets science hasn't invented yet, the one I want most isn't the flying car, but those self-tying sneakers from Back to the Future.
• Call me crazy, but the vuvuzela is what got me hooked on World Cup soccer… which probably says more about me than the sport.
• I could've been the sixth Wilbury, y'know… except my insurance considered them out-of-network.
• Songs named after cities, ranked: “Vienna” (Billy Joel); “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” (They Might Be Giants); “Detroit Rock City” (KISS); “China Grove” (Doobie Brothers); “Trinidad” (Eddie Money). (Not ranked: “Amsterdam,” Van Halen — yeesh.)
• Some people say man is the most dangerous animal, but I still think Jack Handey was right — it's a shark riding on the back of an elephant.
• It's only been a few episodes, but Simon Williams and Trevor Slattery have already lapped Peralta and Boyle and are nipping at JD and Turk's heels for "best sitcom bromance ever."
• When they invent time travel, the first order of business should be sending Jack Black to 1980 to take over for Bon Scott in AC/DC.
• I was re-reading this list before I hit "Publish" today and I realized… this one actually isn't half bad. It's ALL bad.