The Snow Day List

This week's list…

• You know automated tipping prompts have gone too far when they show up in the check-in kiosk at your doctor’s office.
• The fastest way for a restaurant to earn zero stars on Yelp is putting provolone on French onion soup.
• Anyone who says turkey bacon is "not that bad" is either lying to themselves or over 50.
• You probably shouldn't ask me for investment advice — it's been over 40 years, and I STILL don't understand the ending of Trading Places.
• The longest week of my life was the afternoon I forgot my glasses when I went to see Dances with Wolves.
• The best Fantastic Four movie is — and always will be — The Incredibles.
• If Peter Forsberg had entered the NHL five years earlier or five years later, he would've been his generation’s Mark Messier. Instead, he was wasted on the dead-puck era. Alas…
• Signing Bo Bichette when you're still paying for Bobby Bonilla is like refinancing your mortgage to buy a time share.
• Forget Scrubs: Med School, The Golden Palace and even Joey — Frasier is the most disappointing spinoff of all time. (Yep, I said it. Come at me, bro.)
• How come people in monster movies never yell “SKIP FOR YOUR LIVES!!!”? If Tokyo had started skipping, Godzilla would’ve been too confused to destroy the city.