Another List

Let's do this…

• The only person on earth who goes through more outfits in a three-hour period than my wife is Elton John.
• When I was a kid, I kept trying to convince my little brother that all the pro wrestlers who came from "parts unknown" actually lived together on a small island off the coast of Japan.
• If I'm in a bar and 38 Special comes on stage, I'll stay long enough to finish my drink… but if you tell me they're headlining the Oyster Fest this summer, I'm totally not going.
• The pinnacle of reality TV was the Iron Chef / Trading Spaces block on Saturday nights in the early ’00s. Oh, the drinking games we’d play…
• Forget Groundhog Day and What About Bob? — Quick Change is the REAL gem of the Bill Murray trilogy.
• Instead of wasting time on Pat, Mary Catherine Gallagher and the Butabi brothers, SNL should’ve been busy giving us the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer movie we so richly deserved.
• It's simple physics, really — if anything, I should be able to have MORE pudding if I don't eat my meat.
• I'd follow Captain Picard to the edge of the galaxy, but… "tea, Earl Grey, hot"? The line must be drawn HERE!! This far, no further!!! Computer, gimme some Irish Breakfast, please and thank you.
• If you ever need a wedding toast, keep this one in your back pocket (but remember that it sounds better in the original Klingon): "May you always love each other as much as Chris Frantz hates David Byrne."
• If the multiverse is real, I want — nay, NEED — to visit the world where Van Halen teamed up with Chris Cornell instead of Gary Cherone in the late ’90s.